Freak Out

So today is the end of the quarter. My brain is freaking out. The last blog that will count for credit needs to be posted by 10am, in a half an hour, and I don't think I've done that great. I mean I know I've definitely grown as a writer since the point I was at when the class started, and my posting has become a lot more frequent, but I know I haven't posted half as much as I should. I'm honestly a little disappointed in myself. I plan on keeping writing when I can. This is something that's really enjoyable for me. I'm also going to work on posting photos and maybe videos to this too. A camera that actually functions and takes video is a highly handy thing, it doesn't even leave my sides anymore. I always have my phone, iPod, and the digital camera on me.

I'm freaking out about more than just this class. I stayed up late last night trying to write a paper but I'm only about half way done. I've got that, a test to write, and a couple other little things too, all for that one class. There is a half finished painting sitting in my living room at home that I need for my painting evalution today. I'm two photos short on printing for my nature series. I think I've missed too many days for one of my teachers to give me credit. I've already resigned to not taking credit in my extra class for the necessity of getting all my credit in another class. I've got a couple outstanding science assignments that I plan on finishing during science today. My brain is slipping into the "oh shit, hahaha, we don't like you right now so we're not going to care" mode.

Onthe bright side, I came into some privileged information last night that has my brain flip out of the area of crushes. Well, at least a crush on him. No tears, not upset at all actually, I even laughed a little. Sorry big brother but I found out! It made me flip over him so fast. I've got another crush budding a little though. Not half as crazy as that one however. Don't worry, I'll completely keep you all updated on what's going on in my mind. I may even talk to you all tomorrow! For now though this is goodbye, I hope to talk to you all soon.

Bangs

I want my bangs back. Year before last I had gotten a horrible haircut, the ends were trimmed and I had been given these, pardon my french but, they were really fugly bangs. I had wanted bangs but, I wanted slightly longer more side swept bangs, and I ended up with these slightly slanted eyebrow-length bangs. Unluckily for me, with my hair being naturally curly, the longer end flipped up in this ugly little curl thing. I was lucky though. They grew out into these really amazing side swept bangs. Right now I'm missing them. Last May I had chopped off about half my hair. It was slightly below my shoulder blades and I chopped it up to my jaw. At the time my bangs were still a little shorter than the rest of my hair so I didn't really feel like cutting them any shorter. Now they have grown to a little longer than the rest of my hair. I want my bangs back. It's been decided on friday my friend is cutting and dying my hair, so not only will I have bright colored hair, but I'll have my bangs back too, it makes me really happy. Hooray for sleepovers! It also means I get to swing by my other friend's school, and I never see any of the people that go there anymore so that'll be amazing. It makes me a joyous person.

Stress, yet again

My brain is flipping out right now. My internet is out at home. I have a three to four page paper due tomorrow on a book that made me sick, I still have to do some research into writing that paper, I need to print at least three additional nature photos from crappy negatives, I have a painting that is nowhere near to done that I have to finish, I've already had to resign to not getting credit in my extra class and although I believe I may be getting a few As it seems as if the other chunk of all of this is going to be Ds.
While the As will be a serious god send and something I have worked insanely hard for, the Ds will practically cancel out all that hard work... yay me.

Second Thoughts

As you all saw, my soundtracks post left off somewhere around M. Last night I added more music to my iPod. I came to the conclusion the with my vast taste in music I should really just choose. I'll be going through my thoughts on the music so far, and then adding to that with the new music and music past M as well.

One Week, BareNaked Ladies- I love this song. I used to be able to keep up with the really quick parts. I still can with a few of them. I've known this song for so long it needed to be on here. Plus I love Sailor Moon.

Build Me Up Buttercup, Me First and the Gimmes Gimmes- Despite my hatred for this song spurred on by my friends, this needed to be here. The lyrics are my compulsion. If I didn't acknowledge this I'd just be lying to myself.

Can't Stop, Maroon 5- Why won't these stupid thoughts stop! Damn crush...

I Will Follow You Into The Dark, Death Cab For Cutie- This is the hopeless romantic song. The one song that I feel completely for hopeless romantics. I know someday I will fall in love with the one person I'm willing to go this far for, and they'll be willing to go just as far for me.

Girlfriend, Matthew Sweet- The I want to be with you confession song. This is the song I'm want someone to sing to me if they fell for me.

If I had 1,000,000, BareNaked Ladies- All the things I'd love to be able to do. I have a "green" dress, but it's not a real green dress that's cruel.

The Middle, Jimmy Eat World- My salvation song. I'm trying, and I'm only going to try for me, not someone else, verything will be fine.

The Impression That I Get, Mighty Mighty Bosstones- 4th wave Ska. I love 4th wave Ska. "Let's Face It" was the first CD I ever owned. I don't think I've listened to this CD in four years. I still know every word to this song, despite the lack of listening to it. At one point my mother and I were in the car and we were able to listen to this song 4 times in a row, all on different radio stations. It was insane.

I've Been Waiting, Matthew Sweet- I stated before that this is the song for what goes on in my mind when I like someone. I'm always waiting, I don't know what to do otherwise.

Misery Business, Paramore- I admit at times I can act like a truly horrible person. If this didn't happen I almost wouldn't be human. At least I acknowledge it. I acknowledge that I often say the wrong things, my train of thought doesn't always filter before the words it is carrying come out of my mouth. Eventhough I say these things and acknowledge that they aren't that great, I don't regret the majority of my decisions. They are the decisions that I've made to get to the point that I'm at now.

Inches And Falling- I love this song. The lyrics inspired the "I love Love, I love being in Love..." blog.

Alligator King, Sesame Street- This just makes me giggle and be happy. I've mentioned it before. It's simple to see why this would be on here.

Welcome To Suburbia, Jeremy Messersmith- Welcome to the rest of your life. No, I don't live in Suburbia, but I don't really intend to move too much farther out than here I live now until I have small children. Right now though, if my life didn't change a ton by the time I'm 28, I'd actually be really happy.

So I think that's it everyone. There is my current soundtrack. Somewhere along the next month or so I may make little edits to this, but for now, I think this is right.

Soundtracks

Good morning, the prompt for us today is to think of our personal soundtracks, if we were to craft the soundtrack for our lives, what would it sound like?

I'm not sure if any of you have noticed, but six of my blog titles have been song lyrics, and a few more reference other things as well. So it's pretty obvious I love music. Honestly, if I had to choice to lose my voice or hearing, I would choose my hearing over my voice without a second thought. I love to hear the wonderful craft and thought that many people put into their music. This list is obviously not going to be short, and in order to create it, I'm going to just page through my iPod since that seems like the easiest situation. I'm going to go by song since that I'll just be able to fast forward past what wouldn't be on the list, and it'd be in alphabetical order.

All my Lovin'- No this isn't the original, it's a cover by Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies. I just love this song, it's cute and fun for me, it represents the feelings I have since I'm truly a hopeless romantic.

Always Look On The Bright Side of Life- I love Monty Python. I have the whole Spamalot soundtrack on my iPod, although I wish I had I wish I were a Lumberjack on here too. This makes me cheer up sometimes when I get crabby and upset.

American Music- Most people will have this there. The majority of the music on my iPod is american, and it really is a good song.

Arabian Nights- I'm a semi-closet Disney lover. I have the Aladdin soundtrack on here. It's definitely one of the best Disney soundtracks.

... God this is a lot of music to sort through, I'm just out of As.

Bad Boy- This is Cascada, I have a big addiction to bad techno and dance music. This is the one song that I always hear when dancing at Detour, the one time of the year that I can actually dance without getting horribly self concious.

Bangs- I look horrible with straight fringe bangs, but right now I miss my side swept emo kid bangs, I need them cut back in soon.

Barbie Girl- This song makes me laugh, I believe in was the first single I ever owned, it even has the music video on the CD. I love how it makes fun of the materialistic values of our society.

Birdhouse in Your Soul- I think I've known every word to this song since my mother and I got the CD. It's just a song that's good for me.

Blister In the Sun- It came up, I like it, it goes on here. That's pretty much how most things are getting on here.

Blood In the Water- I love musicals. I love how this song is sturctured, it plays on how competitive it is, I certainly know I'm competitive most days.

Breathe- I've had the late night phone calls, I've made the late night phone calls. I'm grateful for the amzing friends that I know I have, they are the ones I know I will be around for the rest of my life.

Broken Heart- I've had my heart broken a few times, and I know I've broken a couple as well, it's interesting though since this was one of the songs that my ex said represented me so well, even before we broke up.

Brown Eyed Girl- Again, another cover. I still love this song, what brown eyed girl wouldn't?

Build Me Up Buttercup- I hate my friends when ever they mention this song. They know that I know almost every word, and have figured out that I pretty much have to get through the verse and chorus before I can stop.

Calling All Cops- Mentions Autobots, I love Transformers come on, and the song is good too.

Can't Stop- This is the thought that is always running through my head whenever I get a crush on someone, it sucks, I can never get them out of my head.

Chemistry- I love Semisonic, this song is sweet and I love it, my god, I'm saying that a lot.

Chip on My Shoulder- I'm finally developing that chip, I'm building up that resilience that you need to survive.

Oops, time to go! Atleast I got into Cs! I promise I'll write tonight!

Oh! look I've obtained more time to write this school day! Now, just to pick back up where I left off.

The Church of Hot Addiction- I love Cobra Starship, I'd really love to see them perform again. I had only ever heard Bring It, I saw them perform, and immediately bought this CD, I even went out and bought their second CD the morning it came out before I even went to school. This is another one of those songs that I think I know every word to this song.

Country Road- My god, I have a lot of covers on my iPod. I grew up in a relatively good sized city, and for a very long time I considered the pink house in the small town my grandparents lived in as more of a home than where I lived. Now, that house doesn't belong to ub anymore, but my home is still where my grandpa lives, and now that's still off a country road too.

Daft Punk is Playing at My House- This song makes me giggle, I love it.

Dead End- When I went to The Format's show, I had spent a rather generous time earlier arguing with my mom so I wouldn't have to go. I'm happy she made me go though, it was a good show and I do really like their music. This is another one of those songs that holds that ideal of being a hopeless romantic.

Divine Intervention- This is the first track off the Matthew Sweet CD that I've been listening to constantly. This whole CD is practically one big dedication to falling in and out of love and relationships, and being a hopeless romantic.

Do you Believe in Magic- I heart music, and old movies. it's all magic for me.

... Wow, No Es...

At this point I'm coming to the realization that I seriously need a better way to choose this music, don't worry, once I'm done I'll go back and trim it down to a final list at the end that really represents me. I'm already getting a little more critical in my choices.

Follow You into the Dark- Hopeless Romantic, with that idea I don't think I need to explain this song.

For You I Will- Yet another one of those hopeless romantic songs, especially since I can never admit that I like someone directly to their face unless I already know that they like me.

Forget My Name- This makes me think of all the things that happened to me last year. I hope they all eventually forget me, since they are just mistakes and a waste of my time for being friends with now.

Fortunate Son- In our society I truly respect the people that are willing to go to war right now. I could never make that sacrifice, I have no respect for some of the decisions our current(and soon to be ex!) president has made, to me it just sounds like your being handed a death sentence.

See, I'm out of Fs with a smaller number of songs than I have chosen for previous letters.

Girlfriend- More Matthew Sweet, I wish I had half the guts to say things like this to the person I like since well... yeah, I love this song, I'm always listening to it, I know all the words already.

Whoa, I have three songs titled Girlfriend on my iPod.

Good Riddance- Break ups suck, I'm happy to have the good memories, and I'm happy that things lasted for a while, even in the times it was their choice not mine, but the memories from my last relationship are most evident,even if I was the one that decided to be done with it in the end.

Oh, time for lunch, I'll be back with more thoughts at some time later today. Oh, and I'm done with Gs now too.

So, now back and it's 2:23 on the weekend, my goal is to get all the way through the rest of this before I move on to doing anything else today, although I am looking around my room and going Ughhhh I need to clean.

Happy Together- Cover... again. Yet another hopeless romantic song too, but it's so damn cute though, I'd like to have experiences like thig eventually.

I never thought I'd have this much trouble coming up with a soundtrack for my life.

I'll Melt With You- I actually have two covers of this on my iPod, why can't I stop coming up with the hopeless songs! This is cute yet again though, so it'll have to do.

I've Been Waiting- As I've stated in previous blogs, I have an issue with never saying anything to the people I end up really liking. This is the song for all of those evil emotions.

I Should Be Allowed To Think- Parts of my Dad's side of the family kind of plays it off as I'm still too young to make some decisions of my own, I've told you all about that before. I've also had many teachers like that too, our society perpetuates it. Personally, I'm not stupid, I have my own thoughts, I should be allowed to think.

I Would Walk 500 Miles- Oh look, another cover, and yet another hopeless romantic song. This kind of exhibits how far I'd go for the relationship that really matters that much to me.

If I Had $1,000,000- I know all the words. I love this song. Can I have $1,000,000? I would do many of things like this, but not a real fur coat that's cruel.

(It's) Hairspray- Hairspray(the original of course) is one of my favorite movies. Before it got really cold, I was putting my hair up into a short beehive for a while. I need better hairspray...

It's already 3:23 and I'm only part way through L!

Legally Blonde Remix- Last spring I took a huge blow in the form of losing a major amount of my friends, well I told you all about that already. Earlier this year I went back to the school to visit a couple teachers and some of the friends I have left there. I've fought back up to my real self and I'm not taking their shit.

Let's Twist Again- I'm actually dancing to this song in my seat. This song makes me energetic.

Light Up My Room- Why can't I stop picking hopeless songs? This is so sweet though, it's the love that lights up your life.

Lollipop(Candyman)- Yet another song I dance to at Detour without fail. I love Aqua for dance music.

I'ts currently 4:05, I need to take a break.

4:20, and I'm pretty much back for now.

The Middle- I listened to this song 3 times before I finally put it on here. When I was younger, every time I felt upset I'd get out this CD. I know I'm good enough for me.

Misery Business- I love this song. It's kind of how I think my personality works at times. Even though my actions are nasty and mean some days, those actions feel so good.

It's 4:45, I'm taking a serious break now.

Worst shows on TV

Last night I was forced to miss Gossip Girl. I know with the idea of bad shows on TV for many people this would fall under that heading. Somehow I love it. It's like an addiction, I know it's bad but I just can't stop watching, it pulls me in and keeps the focus on watching it going. I hopped into the series about half way through the first season... They were running a marathon of all episodes that had happened thus far. Previously I really hadn't had any interest in watching the show. I found the subject matter dull and contrived. Nothing else was on and I didn't really feel like doing anything however, so I sat there, knitted, and watched this marathon. By the end of the marathon I was addicted, I had felt sympathy for some characters, hated others, and wanted to know what would happen next. Now, I know to solve that problem I could just read the books, but I really have no interest whatsoever in reading those boks, due to the fact that I'll probably find them either horribly written or they will ruin the show for me, or vice versa and the show would disappoint me after the books. After this short explanation you should be able to slightly understand why I was so upset to miss it last night. Especially since I didn't miss it for anything good. My friend(whose house I stayed at last night due to the weather) and her mother had to watch Superstars of Dance, while she was on her laptop the majority of the time anyway, and her mom kept on walking out of the room.

That show has fallen under the "Worst shows on TV" category in my head. There isn't even too much there. It only keeps company with Stargate Atlantis(not SG-1 I like SG-1), the monstrosity of Hannah Montana(yes she is a slightly better role model than some of the other influences on children these days, however if you saw the Christmas I experienced with my dad's side of the family you would understand), and things like the brand new Sesame Street. After the mid-'90s Sesame Street just started to slip downhill. I miss a half hour of just Sesame Street, not this world where Elmo has his own show, I miss Mr. Cooper, Snuffleupagus, and a world where Cookie Monster would always scarf down the cookies, even if the majority of the cookie wouldn't make it into his mouth. Snuffleupagus is way better in the world of an imagination than this Abby Cadabby character they have created, she creeps me out, I mean come on she took Zoe's place next to Elmo on the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade! That makes me think of the world of cartoons.

In the mid-'90s to a little after 2000 Nickelodeon was full of some of the best cartoons I've ever seen. I would watch Angry Beavers and Rocko's Modern Life with my mom, powerpuff Girls, and the old, original Rugrats, before Dil, before Kimi( who are both great additions, but it went downhill shortly later, and once they came on, where did Susie go?). Now, hardly anyone ever knows what you're talking about when you mention those shows. I don't know if you can even see those shows anymore besides late at night on Nicktoons Network. I don't know about you but I don't even have cable, let alone big, fancy schmancy cable. The best two cartoons to emerge in the past decade in my mind are definitely Invader Zim and Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. Invader Zim was cancelled before all episodes even aired, mainly due to parent compliant. I understand that a show about an alien attempting to take over the world may be a little much, but that doesn't mean that you need to ruin it for those of us that enjoy it. When I do have the opportunity to watch cable I do check for Foster's, and it's never on. I miss Edwardo.

My mission for you all today is to attempt to get your hands on the Christmas episode of Invader Zim. The Easter Platypus has shrimp for everyone. Now to move on to my next class.

Sleep

I have issues with sleep. I have issues with the thought that there are only so many things you can do in one day, and a vast amount of other things you want to be able to do that I really shouldn't be able to do within that time period. I couldn't sleep last night. We have run out of the vitamin that I take to help me sleep and when we went to the store yesterday they didn't have it. I feel somehow due to this I can't sleep. I hate that, I don't want to have to rely on a sleep aid to be able to sleep all the way through the night. Somehow I have fallen into that world. It's really upsetting and makes me feel insanely pathetic. I have to rely on something other than myself to be able to get through simple every day functions. I'm seriously having problems with sleep. Last week I fell asleep on the bus resulting in having to walk several blocks back to my house. It was horrendously cold. I do not want to have to endure that experience again. It's odd though. For the majority of people I know, going into the dark room here makes them tired, but for myself, when I'm tired it's almost the best place for me to be. Something about being in that room energizes me and makes me get that fulfillment that I used to get in the past for some things, and rarely comes into my life anymore. I've already printed somewhere around at least 18 photos this quarter. The majority of my class has printed somewhere around half that, if not less.

On the subject of semi-schoolwork, in the sense that it's something I enjoy but it's also work for school, I discovered this weekend that I get more work done painting sitting on my living room floor watching movies for three hours painting than in the 5 hours of class during the week. Clueless and Accepted either have magical painting juju or I'm heavily distracted during school. I'm going to go with a combination of both, because I think Clueless has magical juju in general, watching it makes me feel better in some form, makes me feel a little more intelligent, and I'm somehow able to get a large number of kinds of homework done while I'm watching it. It's amazing for me.

Movies. I watch a lot of movies. This weekend my mother and I watched Pineapple Express. I was honestly disappointed with it. People had been talking about how great it was and in my opinion it kinda sucked. Seth Rogen is pretty good considering I do really like Superbad, but this is just stupid. I don't understand why so many people find this funny. There were a few short funny moments, and the concept of the movie was promising, but in reality it really just sucked.

As you can see my train of thought is rather scattered this morning. Jumping from sleep, to homework, to the world of movies. The connections are there for me, although they may not be as evident as they are in my own head. I think there is just a little too much going on in there right now to form any coherent venture. The thought is there, it's just fogged by the other things surfing through my head. Today, I leave you with the thought of misguided ideas, what trains are running through your mind that may seem to have no end? Or better yet, what trains are running through your mind so loud that you can't even think about reality?